3 Reasons why being a parent is harder than what I thought it would be!
The greatest delight of my life is being a parent, yet, to be entirely honest, it is so much tougher than I ever imagined. I believed it would come naturally because I had always looked forward to the day when I could become a parent. I now understand that it was really hard for me to grasp what my child needed from me because I was so disconnected from my own inner voice and needs, caught up in the tornado of what is good and bad, and disappointed with my own expectations of the sort of parent I wanted to be.
I haven’t yet encountered a single parent who didn’t think parenting was more difficult than they had anticipated. Here are the 3 reasons why I think being a parent is harder that what I thought it would be.
Kids don’t come with a manual
This is undoubtedly not a surprise or breaking news! But no matter how many blogs, books, articles, parenting classes, or times you babysit your neighbor’s or sibling’s kids, it is not remotely as as fulfilling as raising one’s own child. Overnight, we are given control over a person’s life, and are now accountable for that person’s wellbeing. It is more difficult for parenting to follow a set pattern because each child and parent is unique and the external and internal variables that push and pull them varies greatly. No one goes to a parenting school to get certified or passes an exam before conceiving or giving birth. Parents must rely only on their common sense and intuition and so we do. Very, very few of us had any idea of the relentless emotional responsibility we were taking on. Even if we’ve watched others go through it, we don’t really know what it feels like until it happens.
Unwritten Societal pressure or being perfect
The society’s notion on being a perfect parent is super hard on parents. To add to that financial, career, mental and physical wellbeing of parents gets overlooked with the new responsibility. And being subject to constant judgment from both yourself as well as others is exhausting. How many times have we read or heard someone talk about all of the ways they judged parents before they themselves became parents? When there is perfect human being how can there be a perfect parent? Pressure of keeping it all together and showing up with a brave face while crumbling into pieces inside makes it harder to be true to what parents go through.
It’s a one way street which never ends
Almost every activity in life offers the option to stop halfway through if that’s what the person wants to do. Parenting is not like a career where one can quit after a few months if they decide it’s not for them. It’s also not a job or something on the to-do list that, once finished, no one ever goes back to. We may not get paid, or receive training or feedback, mentally and physically exhausted, parenting challenges change by the day, month and year but once a parent is always a parent…So we continue; there is no other option….we persevere even on our toughest days.
I know all of this so what you ask?
IF YOU are a parent and it is more exhausting than you thought — YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
Someday our own children will recognize the efforts we’re making. Not today, probably. SOMEDAY! Like we did to our parents.
And I want all of us parents to remember that whether we work in or out of our homes, the efforts we are making are enormous. After all we dive into our parenting journey with a heart full of love for our children and the hope of creating a happy home.
